I don't really have that much to talk about. I guess I've just been assessing myself a lot for the past month or so; having stepped outside of my comfort zone so much, I feel like I'm practically strolling in circles around my little bubble of safety.
In some ways, I'm glad, I'm growing, and to be honest, I'm proud of myself.
But at the same time, my week human nature has been slowly luring me back to this bubble, I feel like right now I'm just at the edge, looking longingly inside my comfort zone.
Over the summer and beginning of the school year I did things I never thought I would;
I went canoeing. I really don't like the water, and this idea terrified me, not only did I get in the boat, I willing jumped out, and let the current carry me for awhile with my friends. I was completely soaked and maybe slightly miserable, but it was worth it.
I sang. Haha, okay, yeah, I have stage-fright. And a lot of it! I sang infront of hundreds of people this summer on several different occasions, and guess what? I survived!
I signed up for improv. Never have I loathed something as much as improv; yet here I am, once a week for an hour, staring my unreasonable fear of improv right in the face, and it's getting better.
Hip-hop? Last year I laughed at the people who told my I should try hip-hop. Now I'm taking hip-hop, and it's one of my favorite classes. Yes, I stretch myself throughout the whole class, but it's so much fun, I don't care if I'm not getting the choreography right, or if I look retarded!
I climbed up half a 35 foot climbing wall. I didn't make it all the way. But that's okay, I didn't even think I was going to put the safety harness on!
I trusted people. I have trust issues. Physically and mentally. My venture crew went out and did trust exercise, oh boy! I was totally out of my element the whole time, but I finally let go of my fears and trusted them, and guess what? They caught me. :)
Crawling on your belly through freezing water and mud? Yeah, that wasn't on my checklist of things to do. I'm not sure what possessed me to go further into the cave after seeing the tiny hole we were supposed to go through. I was so exhausted after that, I was shaking, ofcourse, that might've been from the cold too. But I did it, and I'm glad! I did all of these things to stretch myself, and countless other things.
Looking back on these things, alot of them seem kind of small and stupid. But they've made me stronger, my safety bubbles slowly expanding, covering up what used to be scary, unknown territory.
But how in the world did I muster up the nerve to do all of this?
Seriously, what in the name of heaven was I thinking?
I wasn't, but I sure was praying! Looking back I realize that through all of these things I was praying for strength and peace from God, and He gave it to me. It's so amazing! Never have I felt so close to God, when you're leaning in Him for support. It amazes me that He's willing to helping through things even as silly as jumping into a river, or signing up for a dance class. But it shows how much He really does care. Wow!!
So when I'm tempted to scoot back into my little happy bubble of laziness, I just need to remember that God's got my back, and He cares about me, even with the little things, and is willing to help out, if you ask.:)
"As a camel kneels before his master to have him remove his burden, so kneel and let the Mast take your burden."
Corrie Ten Boom
"God is our refure and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefor I will not fear."
Life's pretty awesome!